|What's yellow and doesn't Wiggle?|
For those us with small children, The Wiggles are the bane of our existence.
One would think that we would be grateful for the invention of the automated
baby sitter. A mere $3500.00 will get you a glorious high definition LCD
variety, which the children will sit in front of, mesmerized, and hopefully
only annoy Daddy when the DVD needs changing.
Well, not quite. The endless demand for more DVDs, and merchandising would be
tolerable (anything to shut them up for another 45 minutes). The soul
destroying thing about the automated baby sitter is the noise that it makes. If
you thought that having to listen to 'are we there yet' every 15
seconds on the holiday road trip was bad, you simply haven't experienced real
Try listening to 'Riding in the Big Red Car' 500 times in a row. Follow that
with 'Dorothy the Dinosaur', 'Wags the Dog', and that awful song about the
teddy bear a few hundred more, and it will permanently affect you. You will
develop a pathological hatred of the colors red, yellow, blue and purple.
At least the purple Wiggle spends most of his time sleeping. I mean, it's not
like a token Asian appointed in the age of affirmative action should have to
pull their weight or anything. Actually that's unfair. The Wiggles insist that
Jeff was actually asked to join the band because he was the only one who owned
a music sequencer. Sort of like the guy who got to join the band because he
owned a truck ..
Of course it doesn't matter now because they are all filthy rich. I know this
because I'm their biggest contributor.
But all tediously repetitive things come to an end eventually. Yellow Wiggle, Greg,
has decided to hang up his skivvy and call it a day due to a mysterious
illness. He has been diagnosed with 'orthostatic
intolerance'. He couldn't be any more intolerant than me.
Apparently this causes fatigue, balance problems and blackouts. Yup - that's
pretty much how I feel when I have to listen the Wiggles.
Except the blackouts. That part's just wishful thinking.