|Girt by 'E'|
Australians all rejoice at technology. Flush toilets, motorcars and the whoopee
cushion have changed the way we think about hygiene, entertainment and sex -
though maybe not in that order. But alas, being young and free sometimes allows
artistic tools to become weapons in the hands of philistines - as demonstrated by
a recent interpretation of Australia's national anthem.
Or at least according to Johnny
(I-don't-know-much-about-art-but-I-know-what-I-like) Howard, who is appalled by
the latest musical offering via artistic director Leo Schofield, who has
received some gold and wealth for toil by producing what has been
described as a 'disco remix' of Johnny's beloved Advance Australia Fair.
Of course any ecstasy-popping rave-party freak could tell you that the
cacophonous offering is not disco, but a much more painful assault on nature's
gift of hearing called 'techno'. Disco may have sounded awful, but at least the
venues provided those with riches the rare opportunity to get laid after a few
beers. Rave parties, by comparison, seem to consist of stoners sucking lolly
pops and saying 'I love you' a lot over the sound of metal scrap yards.
Arch-conservative Johnny clearly prefers his Australia anthem in the traditional
missionary position - it's Julie Anthony or nothing. Why is a semi-deaf man who
wears a hearing aid telling us what kind of music we should listen to? Is there
any part of our lives which this man doesn't want to control? Apparently he
will decide who celebrates patriotism and the manner in which we do it.
Maybe someone should compose a new anthem for Johnny with a chord structure
like D-E-A-F D-A-G.
Whether this version gets recorded on history's page remains to be seen, but
our neighbors are presumably glad that we are girt by sea - they are well out of
ear-shot. To be fair to Little Johnny, the strains of the new version are
anything but joyful. It sounds like chipmunks being castrated with scrap
metal. But then most techno does.