Anyone who thought the Punch-drunk Tony was a bit bird-brained had their worst
suspicions confirmed this week as the opposition leader announced a
maternity leave scheme to top all maternity leave schemes. In a brand new
scheme to populate the nation, Australia's favorite budgie smuggler announced
that women would receive six months full pay if they popped out a baby. And all
paid for a new Great Big Tax!
Of course the Great Big Tax wouldn't be paid by us commoners, no no. It would
only be paid by Large Corporations. That is - out of our compulsory
superannuation contributions, which are largely invested in (you guessed it)
Worried about having to eat dog food in your old age? Well don't be, because
your savings went towards impregnating some woman who was earning $150,000 a
year. Feel better now? Those of you who thought that impregnating women was
supposed to be more fun than that need to reconsider their priorities. Like
getting Tony Abattoir elected.
Political parties are well known for panicking when an unwinnable election
looms, and hard-nosed conservative politicians are not immune. A Liberal
ideology about greater responsibility and small government is all very well,
but it's just not sexy. Voters, like naive young girls, want promises of care,
commitment, and the ability to live at someone else's expense. At least in the
short-term. And how long does seduction take?
Well, in the case of the federal election, possibly until the the start of next
year. The cement might already be dry by then. Tony started his run too early.
The last laugh though, had to go to Peter 'not-my-job' Costello, who compared
Punch-drunk Tony's antics to those of Crocodile Dundee who, when confronted
with a knife announced "that's not a knife, this is a knife" before producing a
bigger and more impressive knife.
Tony's Maternity Scheme is bigger that Kevin's Maternity Scheme. And it seems
that size is important. Especially when you are wearing budgie smugglers.