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| Political Party Animal | |
Human life, we all know, is a delicate and fragile thing. And it can be
taken so easily - even a simple error can take a life. Surely then, deliberately taking your own life must be pretty easy. Anyone
who has actually done it can (in absentia) attest to this. It's something which
stretches across cultural and economic divides - apparently even very stupid
people can quite successfully manage to do it. It must be easy. Surely someone
competent shouldn't have any trouble - like say the state leader of a major
political party? Nope. John (The Bum Pincher) Brogden couldn't even do
this. He was dragged off to hospital in what must now seem like a long 24 hours
in politics, which included denial, confession, a resignation and an apparent
unsuccessful suicide attempt. Clearly The Bum Pincher felt pretty high after Bob (each way)
Carr's resignation and, looking around at talentless applicants for his
replacement, thought that the next election was in the bag. No problem with
that, but getting pissed, calling Bob's wife a mail order bride, propositioning
an attractive female journalist and pinching another's bum wasn't very
statesman-like. That would have been ok if he had 'fessed up as soon as the allegations
became public ..
Yeah .. I was pretty pissed that night, and I probably did do a few stupid
things. I'm really sorry if I offended anyone, but hey - this is politics. If
you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I'll certainly be drinking a
whole lot less at the next party, though.
.. would have gone down pretty well. But The Bum Pincher didn't choose that
route. Instead he chose the favored route of the politician: lie about it. He
didn't actually lie of course: he got his office to release statements about
conspiratorial political slur campaigns, so as to make plausible deniability
plausibly deniable. Watching people in stress frequently gives powerful insights into their
personality. The fact that his first reaction was to lie speaks volumes about
the man's character (and perhaps politicians generally). But the aftermath
spoke even louder. He confessed, and tried to sound contrite. And when that wasn't enough,
resigned from the leadership (he wasn't going to last long anyway). And when
the Telegraph ran a story 'Brogden's Sordid Past' he decided on a more direct
exit strategy: suicide. Or at least he pretended to. 'Suicide attempts' are pretty common on among
teenage girls. They don't really want to die - they are just pleas for
help. Teenage girls love attention and sympathy, and apparently so do disgraced
politicians. Then Jeff (The Headkicker) Kennett gave an interview on the ABC's 7:30
report as a member of Beyond Blue, moaning that media should be more
compassionate and forgiving and understand that politicians were only human. Only human? Does he mean that these moral guardians of the community are
only human? The people who have others locked up for taking drugs, for not
using baby harnesses, for cutting down trees in their own yards, those people
who take and spend 50% of our wealth on 'the common good'? Those people are
only human after all? How shocking. At least some people are behaving sanely. Tony Abattoir got a
roasting for making cracks about The Bum Pincher's dead political career, and
just responded with 'yeah .. that was a bit insensitive wasn't it? Sorry
about that. Next.' Now there's a man who understands how to manipulate The
Mob. And the future - well it looks like The Bum Pincher, after a period of rest
and recovery, will be rewarded for his little act of contrition by a position
on the front bench. But what area of our lives could this loser (sorry 'only
human') possibly be qualified to control? What skills could someone who can't
even organize a suicide possibly bring to politics? It could only be the mental
health portfolio.
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