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 You Asked for It!
» Children back on board!   2004-08-17 22:43 Strawman
Conflicted Mike

Confession is good for the soul - at least for Catholics and public servants. Mike Scrafton, conflicted former public servant, has come out of the closet and claimed that he told John (hear-no-evil) Howard in the 2001 election campaign that there was no evidence of children being thrown overboard - shortly after Little Johnny made the original claims. The conclusion: Honest Johnny must have lied!

Of course this raised the question of why Conflicted Mike didn't actually mention this three years ago, but Mike was a senior bureaucrat and is well versed in the art of self justification. He handled the less-than-totally-brutal 'let me play devil's advocate for a moment' questions on the ABC's 7:30 report with a quick slither - he had obligations as an Australian public servant, and had to meet them. Apparently those obligations didn't include telling the truth.

So seven months after his retirement, and in the lead-up to the following election, Conflicted Mike has found his conscience, and is doing the media roadshow to help him get in touch with his newfound honesty.

Not that Honest John can claim to be squeaky clean here. While only the true-believing leftie would claim that Johnny invented the story about children overboard, only the staunchest conservative would deny that Johnny hadn't turned down his hearing-aid when people around him started to seriously question the original reports. The defense department said that children were thrown overboard, and then changed their minds. Johnny wasn't about to let public service incompetence cost him the 2001 election.

No wonder that Little Johnny hates public servants so much - and this in turn could explain why they hate him back.

And apparently every ALP supporter knows that this incident lost them the last election. Which is funny, because no-one has actually said that

If I had known that the asylum seekers hadn't actually thrown their children overboard, but instead had merely sunk their own boat (effectively dumping everyone into the water), I would have voted ALP!

These people are a bit like the man-friendly feminist. Lots of people know that they exist but no-one has ever met one.

And the ALP's solution to all this is to reduce accountability in the public service - install fixed tenures to prevent the government of they day from sacking senior public servants. Examples like Conflicted Mike only serve to demonstrate the need for an 'independent' Public Service. If Conflicted Mike weren't accountable to the government, there would have been no need to conceal the truth for all this time, and the truth would have been known all along.

Of course! As soon as we give someone absolute power, they won't feel the need to lie cheat or steal, and they will rule us all with total benevolence.

Utopia is just an election away. But after this little scandal, Johnny seems unlikely to call it anytime soon.