|Scratching the seven-year itch|
Every redneck knows that the best way to stop a woman from wanting sex is to marry her. But the more
experienced know that this is not the whole truth - sometimes it just makes her
stop wanting sex with her husband. To appreciate this, of course, is
to explode the myth that men are less inclined to respect marital fidelity than
women. Homosexual dalliances aside, logic suggests that for every man cheating, a woman
is knowingly doing it with him.
Of course the woman might be unmarried, might be a highly promiscuous
individual or a prostitute (or even all three), so this isn't a proof - merely
an indication of availability, and a good reason for all husbands to be
suspicious of the wife's interest in social intercourse.
On the other hand, female infidelity
also represents an an opportunity for enterprising men who like variety without
commitment. What follows, by
popular demand, is the solicited advice from someone who will, of course,
deny that it is derived from any practical experience.
Don't seduce a married woman until you have come to terms with the morality of what you are
doing. And this is easy once you realize that you are not responsible for her decisions. She may be
acting totally immorally, violating her marriage contract, lying to the father
of her children, and ignoring her parental responsibilities. But
that doesn't mean that you are.
You are not stealing, and you are not breaking a contract. Women are not
property, and she signed her marriage contract - you didn't.
Picking your mark
Get real. There is no shortage of bored, lonely, neglected, dissatisfied
married women looking for some spice in their lives. If you don't know any,
move out of the seminary.
Normal rules apply: work out what she wants and give it to her. Just be
aware that there are several possible reasons for women to play the field.
- She likes variety - just like you do. Easy pickings. Just make it sound
like sex is fun. If you want high-volume low commitment sex, this is the kind
to look out for.
- She wants to feel appreciated because hubby ignores her. These ones are
easy too. Gaze into her eyes, and tell her she is the most attractive woman you
have known. Just be aware that she is after emotional fulfillment - the sex for
her is incidental. [ed: That means lots of .. you know .. hugs and sloppy kisses and mushy stuff].
- She is thinking of leaving her husband, and is assessing her value in
the market-place. Be
cautious - these ones may get cold feet just before the home run. Be prepared
to manipulate the situation so you can make her think that she is only valuable
if she goes the whole distance. Don't worry if that sounds illogical. Persuasion is not
about logic - it's about building little bridges and helping people to cross
- She is just bored with her marriage, and wants some
excitement. These ones are dangerous because they may deliberately leave
clues to let hubby know what is going on. Be very cautious about these
ones. They are the kind of girls who manipulated boys into fighting over them
at the high-school dance. If she seems psychologically manipulative, run a
mile. Then have a cold shower.
- Her biology is telling her to choose a more attractive partner than
her hubby to sire her children. She settled for someone
who would stay with her, but is fully aware that other men will give
genetically superior offspring. In this case your looks, wealth, physique and your
status are everything. But whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. In this age
of DNA paternity determination, you'll end up paying and paying. These
ones are a bit hard to spot because they are not actually consciously aware of
their reasons. A strong dissatisfaction with her marriage, but inability to
give any concrete examples is the best sign.
What she doesn't want
Just as important as working out what she wants is working out what she doesn't
want. She is unlikely to want a love-struck stalker letting her husband
know about her affair, so the most important thing to stress is that you have
remained 'friends' (a euphemism for 'on acceptably good terms') with all of your
ex-girlfriends, and that the relationships ended 'because you wanted different
things out of life'. What you are really saying is that you will totally accept
her decision to end it at any time.
Meeting the folks
Don't ever meet the family. Especially the husband. You are not lying if you
never meet her family. As soon as you have a relationship of trust with the
husband, you are violating that trust. This becomes especially important if
hubby finds out. Few men will hunt down a stranger, but many will take out revenge on a friend or
Location, location, location
Never have sex at her place when her hubby is out. Come to think of it,
don't do it if hubby is in either. Unless you want an axe in your skull. If she
insists on doing it at her place it is because she gets excited by risks - your risks. Don't
play. Bail. Out the window if necessary.
In the information age, it shouldn't be hard to organize your little
trysts. Just be aware that they leave paper trails. Encouraging her to get her
mobile phone bills sent to her office would be a good start. Encouraging her to
delete her emails would be good to. And never put anything
incriminating in writing. Save the mushy stuff for the phone or the pillow.
Emails or SMS need say nothing more than "12:30 in Bankstown is fine".
Her understanding of these things will also give you a strong indication of
whether she has done this kind of thing before.
The most important thing in any affair though, is to plan your own exit
strategy. Telling her that you are totally in love is OK - provided that in the
next sentence you also tell her that it's just not in your nature to ever
One thing you don't want is for the woman to leave her husband with the
expectation of marrying you.
After all - who wants to marry a woman who sleeps around on her husband?