|Standard Issue for RAN?|
An Age 2002-12-11
article presents accusations of asylum seekers against
with the confusing headline "Army accused of beating asylum seekers". Most
Australians had thought the Navy was responsible for turning back SIEVs
(suspected illegal entry vehicles) - but after Kim (submarine buyer
extraordinaire) Beasley spent all the Navy's money on useless
submarines, as Defense Minister maybe the Navy was not up to the task, and the
Army had to be called in for the job? Maybe this is why Kim wanted to set up a
The Age article is a fun document which quotes people who clearly have a
complex relationship with the truth, for instance:
- Military officers used 'electric sticks' and touched them against their
metal badges to 'show the sparks'. Anyone who thinks this is a credible claim
is invited to use an electric cattle prod (ask any truckie for one) on
a metal badge they are wearing repeatedly to demonstrate [tip - you will be
writhing in pain instantly].
- "Then they beat the sides and ribs of my husband with the electric sticks
until he was unconscious". Isn't the point of 'electric sticks' that you
don't need to beat someone? You can just touch it against them and electrify them
These kinds of lies can make people's hair stand on end, but before any
red-blooded Australian bristles too obviously at the stories of a bitter
group of people-smuggler-employers, maybe they should think about the pragmatic
effect of the stories.
Australia is being identified in Mosques everywhere as 'one of the
countries aligning against the Islamic world', (yes guys
that's what happens when you murder 80 of Autralians in a Bali nightclub) and these
people are likely to believe the worst things possible about Australians. Why
not exploit their lies? Phil (we've-tried-everything) Ruddock's little movies
about Australia being a land of snakes, crocodiles and angry park-rangers is
laughable in comparison to the documentary-style video that could be made.
The sun rises on a group of thugs in Australian naval uniforms. Suddenly a
shout goes up - they have spotted another SIEV! Led by their commanders (naked dominant women with flesh-colored cattle prods), they board
their gunboat and quickly intercept the floundering vessel. They throw all the
women overboard, abduct the children, and then sink the
boat with the men still on board.
Laughing, they go back to their camp where they get drunk and store the
children in a barbed-wire cage until they are ready to boil them alive in
pork-fat in a huge bonfire. Arguing over who gets to eat the best bits, one
yawns lazily and fires off a few rounds at a tribe of frightened Aborigines cowering nearby.
This little gem would be distributed in Mosques all around the world, as
the corrupt leaders of
the Religion of Peace saw the opportunity to increase their power over their followers by
vilifying the West. And their followers would be just a little more reluctant
about employing 'unofficial' travel agents to come here.
Now that little video has to be worth an Arts grant!