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	Site Search:			More!? More!? » Commonsense Overboard   2002-03-30 00:00 Strawman Where's the boat, mummy? Did someone say "Commonsense Overboard"? The left have been screaming for some time about the government's apparent misreporting of asylum seekers throwing children overboard on October-7 2001. Apparently it wasn't true! The truth is that the asylum seekers held a child overboard, threatened to throw it overboard, and later sabotaged and then sank their own vessel. On balance which of the two is the more irresponsible act? Throwing a child overboard or sinking the entire vessel? It's not a trick question. The interesting fact lost in the frantic 'search for the truth' is that 18 days later a child was in fact thrown from such a vessel. The details are here. While conspiracy theories are normally the province of the intellectually bewildered, one has to ask what is happening here. A government department releases details on an event very beneficial to the government 4 weeks before an election. Then 3 days before the election releases a retraction 'oh, sorry, it was wrong. You will have to go and tell everyone that you lied. Too bad about the election the day after tomorrow eh?'. One has to seriously question the mindset which does this. Then to add injury to stupidity, the same department does not release information which proves the original event (albeit 18 days later). In this case the expression 'heads will roll' should apply to the heads of the departments. » Israelis Double Parked   2002-03-02 00:00 Strawman 40 Tanks, APC's and those big armoured bulldozers parked in Yasser (yoda) Arafat's backyard in the West Bank on Good Friday. 'We just dropped in for a neighbourly visit over Easter' said the operational commander 'we're really sorry about the crashing through the fence on the way in. These tanks are hard to control, and I guess the boys had trouble finding the gate.' Later the Israeli Defence Minister, Binyamin Ben-Eliezer, promised to replace the fountain with the naked woman that they had run over, but was adamant that the broken garden gnome was not his responsibility. 'Israel is sick of being pushed around like this' he said 'We didn't break it, and we're not paying. If Arafat wants to go to war over this - so be it.' The situation got out of control when Palestinian officials pointed out that demerit points for bad driving were doubled over the Easter break. This was too much for the Jews, who then declared outright war on Palestine. » Drugs? Not a problem!   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman Problem? What Problem? Drug problem? What problem? Which rock-star said that he didn't have a drug problem because he could afford them? Why do these junkies break into houses and steal? To buy drugs. Why? Because drugs are expensive. Why? Because selling them is high risk. Why? Because they are illegal. Why? Beats me. The cost of a quality shot of heroin, if it were legal, is only a couple of bucks. Ad an 80% excise on this so that Johnny (my kids just get drunk) Howard and his mates in the back-bench get their kick, and it's still less than ten bucks! Cheap enough for all but the most miserly dole bludger! Make it available on prescription for people who are already addicted. Get the local GP to check for the track marks or just give the patient a quick IQ test because intelligent people wouldn't be that stupid; and give them a prescription. There should be less overdoses because the strength would be consistent, and the drugs could come with instructions. Anyone too stupid to follow the instructions should be taken out of the gene-pool anyway. User pays has got to be the cheapest way to do this. » Waddling OK, But Don't Come Up For Air Too Quickly   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman Breathing Easier Irate Japanese are still demanding a full court martial, but Scott Waddle is breathing easier after a US military court decided not to press criminal charges against him. Nine Japanese drowned in a collision between his submarine and a Japanese fishing trawler when he came up for air just a little too quickly. Apparently the state-of-the-art military sonar equipment on the US submarine couldn't detect a noisy fishing trawler immediately above them. Maybe if they had just stopped talking and listened. Many Japanese are convinced that this is a belated revenge by the US Navy for the 1941 Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. The theory is that nuking two Japanese cities didn't satisfy the US blood lust. Any educated person knows that it had less to do with revenge than scientific experimentation. The Japanese use the same excuse for slaughtering thousands of endangered whales every year. A more likely theory is that Waddle was simply confused because the sonar's instruction manual was written in Japlish. » Not Stolen - Just Borrowed   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman I don't know much about art, but .. In a shock interview Lowidja O'Donahue said that she wasn't stolen, just 'borrowed'. Seizing the opportunity John ('being in power means never having to say you're sorry') Howard, is working to rename the 'Stolen Generation' to the merely 'Borrowed Generation' (which may attract a higher rate of interest), and is working on legislation to change the 'Bringing Them Home' report to 'Sending them Back'. The only question is .. where? » US-Sino Relations Fouled Up   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman Chinese on the Nose! Well, it seems not all irresponsible yahoos are Americans. The Americans have been quietly flying up and down the Chinese coast line, minding their own business. 'Don't worry about us guys. Just making recordings of the environment. Ocean waves, bird calls, whale songs, that kind of thing.' And of course they were in International waters. Right. I'll just stand outside your house with the parabolic mike and the infra-red video recorder, while you sit on the couch and record whether you dress to the left or the right. Beats watching cable. So rising to the bait, those naughty little Chinese fighter pilots have been buzzing the US spy planes. One of them held up a sign with his hotmail address written on it in an apparent bid to make contact with the evil western imperialists so he could point out the error their ways, and let them know how wrong they were in defending themselves from the liberating and democratic forces of the compassionate People's Paradise Utopian Chinese Republic. Or maybe he just thought they were Falun Gong supporters. It also gave him an opportunity to demonstrate how skillfully he could control his jet fighter, wallowing at the slow speed of the propeller plane. Then he got too close, and before you could say 'sucked in!', his plane got chopped in half by a propeller and he was flying vertically. So were the Americans, but they managed to get righted and, deciding it was any port in a storm, turned up as uninvited guests at Hainan Airport. It was a bit of a sweet and sour serving for the Chinese. They had a bit of a credibility problem claiming it was the Americans' fault, but they got a whole plane-load of spying equipment for nothing. The Chinese yahoo wasn't found, but the worst that happened to the Americans was having to put up with Chinese food for two whole weeks. » Pauline You Pussy!   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman 48 Hours? Too long! Pauline (Please Explain) Hanson has now said she has a policy! A 48-hour turn-around on asylum seekers. Pauline - you are a pussy! We have a better solution. Back in the roaring '80s, Kim (Fat Boy) Beazley was defense minister and had to make a decision about some new Australian submarines. Any fool could see the better strategy was to build one of them, and get the bugs out of the design before building more, but there's no fool like an old fat fool. Jaded and boring he may be (Just ask Cheryl Kernot), but this was before Viagra was invented and the thought of having something long and hard and full of seamen was an irresistibly seductive temptation. And knowing that once was not enough, he ordered five at once. Now we have five submarines which can't shoot straight, make too much noise and generally don't work properly. Obviously they need target practice on moving targets! An upturned Vegemite lid with 300 people on board may not seem like challenging military target but hey, the submarines are not exactly military standard either. Then after the hit-and-miss target practice is over, the navy could practice their search and rescue skills. Then any survivors could be placed on a disused oil rig for 48 hours to produce a 'please explain' to Pauline before their trip home. » Jaded Old Woman   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman Jaded Old Woman In an effort to prove that women can be as aggressive as men, Cheryl (you-owe-me-a-favor) Kernot has once again bitten the left-wing that feeds her. Having defected from the Democrats to the ALP, she is now singing the praises of the politically correct Dream Team leading her former party, while referring to her own party leadership as tired, jaded and boring. What a coup for Kim (Fat Boy) Beazley! Woo the leader of an opposing party, and turn your back on them as soon as they defect. Cheryl can't go back, and she can't go forward, all she can do is thrash around and snarl. Kim (Fat Boy) Beazley is looking pretty robust now, but if he loses the unlosable election this year, he's going to get ravaged. » Fat Boy   2001-09-01 00:00 Strawman At Least the Policies are Wearing Thin Some advice: Don't ask an unemployed person how to get a job; don't ask a drug addict how to get off drugs; and don't ask a fat person how to diet. Dieting is not hard. You just stop eating. You look at that tasty morsel, balance the long-term cost on your waistline as well as the short-term benefit to your tastebuds, and make a decision. Managing the country is no different. You measure the short-term benefit of the policy against the long term costs, and make a decision. Do you trust a fat person to make these decisions? Too hard? Just leave your life savings with Christopher Skase; leave your wife with Mick Jagger; and the key to your wine cellar with the guy sleeping on the park bench while you think about it. >> Please Sir, I want some more  Feedback/Forum ANON -- Anonymous Coward 2011-12-02